Saturday, January 26, 2008

Same Sex Wedding Memories

the letter below was written by a classmate from many years ago. i have obtained permission to reproduce it on my blog because it gives me hope that, someday, there will be nothing unusual about a same sex wedding.

what made their wedding even more unusual was that they were, as my classmate observed, "a same sex couple who were married by a female minister, while wearing traditional Filipino garments, in a very Jewish ceremony. The world is indeed changing... getting smaller... moving forward... well, at least here in Canada."

Dear All,

Thanks for all the warm wishes and congratulatory messages you've sent. As most of you know, B and I got married last December 3 [2006]. It was a really nice wedding and I guess the only thing that could've made it better was if all of you were there. It was really beautiful, but I guess that is what everyone would say about their own wedding. So, I hope you indulge me a bit as I share with you, in my very biased opinion, what is probably the best wedding ever.

We got married at F and A's house in the suburbs of Toronto. F and A, are friends of B's from his University days. A was also B's business partner for many years. Well, the house of A and F is very beautiful, and that night it was even made more magical as the snow the night before had blanketed their front lawn. Billy Idol was right in saying that, "It [was] a nice day for a white wedding."

The person who officiated the service was B's sister, L, who is a minister of the United Church of Canada. We got married in front of A and F's fireplace—under a canopy called the hoo-pah (I apologize to my Jewish friends as I don't know how to spell it correctly). This canopy is supported by four posts which were held up by two of B's closest friends, T and Jo, and his two nieces, E and J. We both liked the idea of the canopy as it symbolizes the happy home the couple will be making, which is open on all sides to welcome family and friends. The posts symbolize love, that which is shared by the couple, and also the love emanating from all those surrounding them which serves as the foundation of their life together.

We wore barongs throughout the ceremony, and for those of you who aren't familiar with what these are, barongs are the traditional formal wear of Filipinos. It was a very intimate and meaningful ceremony as we only had around 26 guests. L, B and I put together the service, even writing our own vows, which made everything more personal. The whole affair, though, was organized by our wedding planners Jo, F and T. Jo, though, deserves to take most of the credit. It all came together so beautifully. If any of you are getting married soon, have a gay man organize it :)

Anyway, guests started arriving at 6 pm, and hors d'oeuvres were served. Wine and drinks were also served by the bartenders, A and F's 12 year-old daughter, Fa, and her friends M, Ja and Z. For those of you who have gotten married, I guess you do know it can be a nerve-wracking experience. So, to help me calm down, I had a shot of whiskey and several glasses of wine before the service.

This was well and good as I was really relaxed by the time the service started at 7 pm. Unfortunately, I had decided to memorize my vows, and the alcohol made me a wee bit forgetful. It was good that B went first, as it helped me remember them. He had written his vows on a cue card, but due to nerves, he missed a line, and had to double back, which made L and everyone else laugh. My attempt at reciting my vows was even worse as I ad libbed my way through it. I think I was able to get my message across, but it was a bit hilarious to see one of the grooms struggle (even though that was me), and that made everyone laugh a bit more. When it came to the exchange of rings, L had wisely offered me a cue card, to which I responded, "Yes, I will take that." That elicited more laughter from our friends and family.

I think one of the things that made the wedding special for us was the fact that we could laugh during the service and that everyone else was laughing with us. It's nice to start your life together as a couple with so much laughter and love surrounding you. And there were so many memorable moments during that night. After the ceremony, B and I were lifted on chairs (see picture) which is again part of Jewish tradition. We then danced around in a circle to the tune of "Mazel Tov" which again is Jewish. Neither B nor I are Jewish, but F and A are.

I guess I relish the fact that we are a same sex couple who were married by a female minister, while wearing traditional Filipino garments, in a very Jewish ceremony. The world is indeed changing... getting smaller... moving forward... well, at least here in Canada. But I guess what really put a smile on my face was the fact that there were four 12-year old girls there who were growing-up in a world where such a marriage is possible, and that they have no biases or prejudices against anyone who is of a different color, religion or sexual orientation. This was wonderfully verbalized by T during his toast. And the girls even made a toast for us... which was so sweet and touching. Weddings are supposed to be moments of love and hope... and I am just so happy that my wedding was so full of both.

There are a couple more memorable moments I would like to share with all of you... one was when my amazing mother-in-law, V, came-up to me and called me "son." I replied the only way I could by calling her "Mom." And then we hugged. There was also this light-hearted moment with B's niece, E who is around 7 years younger than me. I went up to her and said, "I guess you are officially my niece now," which made us break out in laughter and embrace one another.

4 comments:

closet case said...

hey, gbitc! finally, finally a blog about the other part of you! hahaha. lovely post. lovely wedding. maybe it wouldnt be so out of the ordinary someday!

Unknown said...

Were you also taken for a ride by Migs, the manilagayguy? http://antimgg.blogspot.com/

Dats said...

made me cry reading this....

Jules said...

amazing...thanks for sharing...